Behind the music:
Ruach haKodesh gave this song to me very soon after my dad went home to be with Abba. It was very a traumatic and unexpected separation, and the most difficult and tragic experience of my life. I was utterly heartbroken. My dad and I were extremely close, and our relationship was founded on a love for God’s Word. We spent hours talking to each other about scriptures and revelations, and Bible study is even now bittersweet because I cannot share with him, or get his take on a perspective.
We gathered for a Wednesday night prayer service a month after Dad was gone. There weren’t many people there, and we were all just praying individually. As I was praying in the spirit, I once again was overwhelmed by loss, and I could feel Ruach haKodesh just ministering to me in my despair. He began speaking to my spirit the most tender words of comfort that I have ever gotten from Him. He knew every single aspect of the loss I was mourning, and so He was the most qualified to minister to those particular areas I was grieving over. One of the things I was losses I was keenly missing was worshipping Abba together. This was a particularly conspicuous aspect because I was spending most of my time seeking comfort from the Word and Ruach haKodesh, and so because that was the number one things we shared, it made the loss so much more intense. This continues to be a strange paradox in my life – that the thing I NEED is the thing that makes me miss Daddy most….
Ruach haKodesh knew that I was specifically missing the times of worshipping together, and He began to speak scriptures to my spirit that were like placing cool, healing leaves on a hot, painful wound. The scripture that He began to explain to me was Heb 4: 16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Daddy opened almost every prayer this way, and I don’t know if my brother notices, but we both pray this way most of the time. The first time I heard my brother pray after Daddy had gone, I noticed it…..something I had never noticed before…..
Ruach began to show me that even though Dad wasn’t here in this realm, that when I began to pray and enter into the throne room of God that the throne room wasn’t empty. That throne room was filled with worshippers, both here in this realm and the ones who had gone home to glory. That they were all worshipping Yahshua, just as we were. Even though I couldn’t talk to Dad or be in contact with him (Deut. 18 & Lev 19), we were still worshipping Abba together. The next day I went back to church to pray, and wrote down this song. I had been crying a lot before I recorded it, but I just never went back and re-recorded it because I wanted to remember it exactly as it came from Ruach haKodesh in that moment.
I knew that one day we would be together again worshipping Abba. But Ruach gave me a deeper understanding of the now. It’s not that I seek out Yahshua to be with Dad, or worship Yahshua so I can be with Dad. I don’t. There is just a comfort, that few people can understand, in knowing that we are still worshipping together. But perhaps someone who had a relationship with someone like I had with my dad will find this song and this post, and it will bless them.